This is how I imagine the conversation went when Bob Nutting told his wife that Mario Lemieux and Ron Burkle made an unsolicited offer on the Pirates…a fact that came to light over this past weekend.

Wife: Hi, honey.  How was your day?

Bob: Oh, okay I guess.  I met Mario and Moneybags for lunch today.

Wife: That’s nice, sweetheart.  Where did you go?

Bob: Uh, Blush.  Free lunch buffet from noon to 2pm.

After that, I’m not entirely sure what happens.  He tells her about an offer of several hundred million dollars for the team that he rebuffed, she calls him a fool, he tries to explain how the franchise makes money as-is and why would he sell them right now.  Then she realizes he said they had lunch at Blush and really gets angry, but Bob deflects the blame onto Burkle and his sex addiction.  I say that like it’s a bad thing.

Anyway, I know Pirates fans really want to believe this could happen and would be literally dancing in the streets if the Pens ownership managed to actually buy the team.  But really, why the hell would Nutting sell?  The team is valued at $288M right now according to Forbes, that’s at the extreme low end of the scale for MLB teams.  It stands to reason that the offer was pretty close to this number.  Since the team is profitable and poised to make a run at competitiveness (allegedly), it also reasons that their value would increase over the next few years.  I’m no Gordon Gekko, but I’m pretty sure selling low would be a bad move here for Nutting.  Burkle and Mario would have to overpay in a big way and I doubt they want the team bad enough to make any kind of premium offer.  I think an ownership group consisting of Mark Cuban, Sophie Masloff, Sammy Khalifa, and Wiz Khalifa have just as good of a chance of buying the team as the Lemieux and Burkle tag team.

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Here’s a rendering of what I think the couch probably looks like, except in suede.

This is an amazing opportunity to pick up what may possibly be something historic, if you like goonie Eastern Europeans and purple furniture.

No mention if it’s signed or not, but it surely has his DNA all over it.

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The Steelers hired former Buffalo Offensive Line Coach Sean Kugler to replace the departed Larry Zierlein who was fired a few weeks ago.  Kugler brings an unimpressive resume, 46 sacks surrendered last year (Rank: 29 in the NFL), but he does look just like former WWE World Champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Can we expect Kugler to kick an opposing player in the guy, deliver the Stone Cold Stunner, and then pour a bunch of beers down his throat in 2010?  Jesus, let’s hope so.

Steelers’ Special Teams Coordinator Bob Ligashesky was fired on Friday.  When your team gives up that many kick returns in a lifetime, let alone a single season, you’re probably headed for the unemployment line.  Ligashesky is a McKees Rocks native, so he will no doubt be spending his first few UC checks at Club Erotica to support the local economy.

I would love to sit here and tell you about how it is Stefan Logan’s fault that Ligashesky lost his job, but even I can’t manufacture that kind of JFK-like conspiracy.  Logan was 7th in the AFC in kick returns and 13th in punt returns.  That’s not really that great and certainly not numbers warranting the use of a roster spot for a guy that does nothing but that.  However, the awful kick coverage managed to step up (or fall down) and get Ligs fired before the mediocrity of Logan could.  Nice work on that, Steelers.

The name of former Steelers’ Special Teams coach Bobby April has been thrown around as a replacement, but that’s only because it’s the only Special Teams coach that anyone in Pittsburgh can remember.  My vote is for either Chris Oldham or Fred McAfee, both formerly known by me as the “Craziest Man In Football” and the last two Steelers’ special teams players worth mentioning in a sentence that doesn’t also contain the word “suck”.

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Fire Arians!  Ok, he’s fired.  No, wait, he’s going to be fired by week’s end.  Well, there’s a disagreement between management and Coach Tomlin over whether we should fire him.  Uh, he’s back next year, see ya in a few weeks for OTAs.

That paragraph is a good summation of the wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth that’s gone on over the last day or so since Arians Watch One Zero began.  ESPN 1250’s Ken Laird, a former PSL teammate of The Sheik, got word that Steelers’ Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians was indeed to be fired.  But he wasn’t.  Lots of local news outlets and maniacs ran with the story and now are backtracking on it, obviously.  Should Laird lose his job over the debacle? Ah, who gives a shit?!

I’m having a hard time understanding the public outcry against Arians.  I know Yinzers are staunchly against the pass-first offensive mindset (unless it’s winning them a Super Bowl), having grown up on Chuck Noll running trap play after trap play until his offensive linemen spontaneously combusted.  This is 2010 though.  The NFL is pass-happy and the Steelers o-line and offense in general has been tooled to throw first and run second.  This offensive mindset was good enough to win a world title just a year ago, why is it so unpopular all of a sudden?

I know, it’s the winning.  But can you hold Arians accountable for the defense and that awful, awful secondary for blowing five 4th quarter leads this past year?  Let’s say you get in your DeLorean, drive the requisite 88mph, go back (to the future) in time and replace Arians before the start of the season with some run-first maniac.  Does that change the Steelers winning percentage?  I doubt it.  The o-line still can’t block, Limas Sweed still can’t catch, Aaron Smith and Troy Polamalu still get hurt, the secondary still can’t cover anyone, and the coverage teams still can’t stop Wilford Brimley on a rascal and without his diabetes meds from running kicks back for TDs.

Larry Zierlein is another story.  The offensive line took a beating with injuries and gave up a career-worst 50 sacks to Big Ben this year.  Not good.  Go ahead, say it’s Ben’s fault for holding the ball too long.  Russ Grimm never had this problem and Ben hasn’t changed a bit.

So long Larry, we hardly knew ya, except for the time you accidentally sent a porn video to everyone in the NFL.  That was awesome and we’ll never forget it.

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Terrelle Pryor was 23 of 37 for 266 yards and two TDs, plus 72 yards rushing in the Rose Bowl, a game in which he carried OSU (to a 26-17 win, no less)  Yeah, he’s still a little scary throwing the ball at times, his release makes Vince Young look like a textbook passer, and he needs a lot of work on cutting a promo (keep that kid away from the mic until he takes a public speaking class or watches a bunch more episodes of Monday Night Raw), but he’s an absolute beast.

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8-2 Pens.  Merry Christmas.  Trade Malkin for a case of vodka and a postcard of the Kremlin.

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Sweed has been pretty awful since joining the team last year as a second-rounder.  He has just 7 catches for 69 yards in 12 career games.  In his defense, WR is a position where there’s a huge disparity in skill between the college and pro games.  There are very few wideouts who make a huge splash as rookie or even in their second year in the league.  The typical scenario sees a WR making a huge jump in production with their third season though, as they’ve presumably learned some of the nuance of the position and gotten used to the much faster and more physical defenses in the pros.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending Sweed, as he’s been outright horrible so far.  I am saying, you *might* see a production jump from him next season, provided he even makes the team.  Of course, all he has to do is have one decent game and you could call it a production jump, so whatever.

On to the old man that is Joey Galloway.  He’s 38 years old and this is his 15th season in the NFL, so basically, he’s older than dirt, especially for a WR.  Back in his heyday, Galloway was an incredible downfield threat, has 78 career TDs and over 11,000 total yards from scrimmage.  Fast forward to today and he’s only played 11 games in 2 years and the Pats cut him earlier this season because he had the dropsies and allegedly didn’t know the playbook.  Welcome to Pittsburgh!

The Steelers use Heath Miller as a 4th wideout, so I’m not really sure Galloway will even see the field that much, so all of this may be much ado about nothing.  If you see a lot of Galloway on the field in these final two games on 2009, it reasons to say that something has gone horribly wrong.

The Steelers also placed LS Greg Warren on IR and replaced him with Jared Retkofsky who was on the Super Bowl championship team from last year after Warren got hurt.  This is only a problem if Retkofsky snaps one into the stands or something, so forget I even said anything about it.Similar Posts:

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The Browns beat the Steelers on Thursday night and we’re all more suicidal for it.  I think we can all agree on that point.  Some Browns fans decided they’d like to heckle Mildred Harrison at a Steelers/Browns watching party at the Akron VFW though.  Right, Harrison.  Not Arnold’s mom.  Silverback.  Yes.  Right.  That Harrison.

Well, turns out ole’ Mildred got involved in what police are calling ” a large-scale fight in which victims were struck with fists and beer bottles.”  Hell yeah, she did!  She’s charged with misdemeanor assault and is due to appear in Akron Muni Court on December 17th.

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The Steelers’ special teams are embarrassing this year, even by Steelers special teams standards.  In an effort to bolster their absolutely awful kick coverage unit, the team cut DB Keiwan Ratliff and LB Donovan Woods, who they signed last week to help fix the problem, and signed former Ravens DB, Corey Ivy, and LB Rocky Boiman.  I’m not sure that’s going to fix anything, but at least I’ve heard of these two guys.

The Steelers also signed former Pitt QB Tyler Palko to the practice squad, driving the locals wild.  Unless Charlie Batch goes on IR (a possibility) or Big Ben gets dead (a better possibility, given the O-Line play), Palko will not see the sideline as an active player, let alone taking a snap as the Steelers QB.  Relax, talk-radio listeners.  Actually, if you need a cold shower or something, imagine the Super Bowl champs being helmed by some combo of Dennis Dixon and Palko.  Nothing personal there, Dennis, just sayin’ it’s less than ideal and by less than ideal, I mean everyone’s worst nightmare.Similar Posts:

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